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Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/08/03

12/08/03
by Joe Dlugosz
For some time I've wanted to address an issue that bothers me. Why do I know so many people that went to Loyola and have nothing good to say about it, myself included? I cherish the friends I made there and had a wonderful run of three great years. But the school had nothing to do with that. Most everyone I know enjoyed their time at college and made great friends, no matter what school they went to. But why do so many others, and I, look back and also say Loyola means nothing to them? For me, it was because the university, it seemed, didn't want me there.

I could never just pay a bill without some kind of problem. I couldn't get a screen on my bedroom window, I had to talk with City Parking Services at the Great Midwest Job Fair, and I couldn't have a sign in my dorm apartment window. I was called a liar for writing something in the school newspaper-- by the very man who supplied the information to the sources I used. I could go on, and others could do the same, but there's no point to it. You can't repair what's already been done.

The thing is, I never really wanted that much. Taking an extra step to pay a bill shouldn't really bother me, I could live without a screen on a window, not every company at the job fair was City Parking Services or Walgreens, and my own parents have questioned whether I've used proper facts to back up my arguments. So if these things and all the other little piddly crap that has ever happened and continues to happen every time I come in contact with my alma mater aren't a big deal, then why are so many other recent alums so upset?

For me, it's the same reason I can't stay upset at my mom for calling me a liar. Or why I can't get upset with my friends when they still continue to e-mail jobs for cashier positions at Walgreens. Or why I don't hold a grudge against my girlfriend when she leaves the front door open. It's because I'm part of something. A family. A great group of friends. A relationship.

It's why I look at Loyola, not with hate, but with hurt. Why don't they want me? Why don't they like us? Why do they push away their own flesh and blood? I'm an alum. I'm part of that university, and I want to love them, but there is no love in return. I want to be part of the Loyola family, but this family has disowned me. In fact, they never really took me in to begin with.

There are other people out there who feel that they are part of something. From the biggest of the Big Ten education factories to tiny East Coast schools with names no one has ever heard of, people that attend other schools seem to feel they are part of a family. I've talked to people who tell me they are part of the Spartan or Sooner family. There are millions of them out there. People who feel a kinship with their alma mater. People who love their school and, in turn, get loved back from their university.

Do I get that from Loyola?

No. Never have.

Some people will say that if you want that feeling, you have to make it for yourself. They're wrong. It takes two to form a relationship. And I am the only one that's ever stuck out my hand or taken that first step. And I'm tired of getting my hand pushed back and a banana peel shoved under my foot. Sure there have been some people along the way that have been very nice to me. Like a nice uncle who'll tell you how your parents are doing, because they don't return your phone calls.

Would it take much to make me feel a part of something? I don't think so. A nod here and there from people who know who I am, but instead walk right by. A rejection letter after applying for a job. A returned phone call. An answer to an e-mail. An explanation. An invitation. Anything!

I miss my family bad, and I want to get to know them. But I don't know what else to do. Eventually, I'll get over it and find something else to give my attention, my devotion-- and what may hurt this particular family the most-- my financial support.

Previous Columns:

Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/01/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 11/24/03