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Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 11/24/03

11/24/03
by Joe Dlugosz
One of my favorite things to do as a child and, even now sometimes, is play Mad Libs. Most anyone who went to school in the seventies or later remembers the humorous word game. It took two people to play the game; one person has the mad lib book, which is full of short stories with missing nouns, verbs, adverbs and adjectives. That person asks the other person for the nouns, verbs, etc, writes them in the blanks and then reads the story aloud.

I thought I could do most of the Horizon League fans a service and use the Mad Lib style to help fans write their letters to the Horizon League front office this coming season. By simply filling in the appropriate blanks in the letter below most any Horizon League fan can quickly and easily fire off a letter to the league's front office. This letter should come as a great help this coming season as the top third of the conference appears to be up for grabs. Or so some would have us fans believe.

[Your name]
[Your address]
[City, State, Zip]

[Horizon League Official]
[Made Up Important Sounding Title ]
201 S. Capitol Ave., Suite 500
Indianapolis, IN 46225

Dear Sir,

Recently I attended the [Your School] versus Butler game at [insert arena name] and I had a few questions regarding the supposed contest. I am a big fan of [Your School] and was wondering why the officiating was so [adjective] lopsided. It was almost as though the outcome of the contest was predetermined.

Specifically, at one point in the [First or Second] half when [Butler Player] two hand pushed [Player from your school] in the back causing him to lose the ball. No foul was called on the play and when [Your school's coach] questioned the call, referee [Offending referee's name] gave him a technical foul.

Soon the entire officiating crew was surrounding [Insert your school's coach] and reprimanding him. While all the officials' backs were turned and their concentration focused on disciplining [Your coach's last name] another travesty was taking place. [Insert another Butler Player] began kicking and then choking [Your team's star player] to the point that he was unconscious on the court.

After some semblance of what could only be considered by those in your office to be order was restored [Your coach's last name] had been ejected from the game. The still unconscious [Your star player's last name] was issued a double technical for a delay of game. After his body was removed on a stretcher, Butler was then awarded eight technical foul free throw shots.

Facing such blatant adversity, [Your school] still managed to cut the lead down to two with just [insert number] seconds to play. [Bench Player from your school who steps up] managed to hoist a three-point attempt that found the bottom of the basket. Butler then called a timeout to draw up a last second play. A full court desperation shot that came up short.

As [Your team] celebrated the victory the referees held a meeting at the scorer's table. After much deliberation they ruled that [Your bench player who hit game winner]'s shot was after the buzzer. Butler was then awarded the victory.

I was wondering what, if any, action will be taken against the referees for what appeared to me to be blatant misconduct. Not only did they fail to miss one blatant foul, but they also missed a player being choked to the point of unconsciousness. On top of that they ruled a game winning shot to be after the buzzer, even though another possession clearly took place after the shot was made and a timeout had been called. Also, I was also wondering if any action would be taken against [Butler player who committed choking].

Thank you for your attention to my request, I look forward to hearing a response soon.

Sincerely,

[Your name]

Next week, I help the Horizon League office solve what is sure to be an onslaught of letters by giving them a Mad Lib style form letter that can be used to reply to the above letter.