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The Drunken Observer
sometime in the early morning on 2/18/05by OC Rambler
We're doing this Nelly remix style ... it's Da Derrty Vershun -- Collins, that must be your ass 'cause it ain't yo' face.
First off, if Big Joe doesn't edit me, and he promised me he wouldn't, at least for the first paragraph, so he better fucking not, I'd like to quote ... Big Joe. "Fuck those motherfucking mother-fuckers." That's what I'm fucking talking about. Bunch of assholes. 17 years, 15 games, screw that. We owned those assholes on their own floor. 14 more years of that and we're about even. Fucking dominant. Get some rebounds and get Levin off the floor and we win this game by 25. For the life of me, I can't figure out why Levin plays so much, but that's for another time. Because we fucking FINALLY beat Useless In Chicago, in the goddamned Pavilion (WHY don't they serve beer there? That's asinine; do they actually consider that place a campus? Thank god I brought my Jameson).
Dajuan was ridiculous. 31, got to be a career high. I know I've lambasted him in the past, and I stand by that, because there were definitely times when he deserved it, but he was awesome tonight. Obviously, I'm not going to compare the man to Michael, but the way Jordan used to average his 28 points, that's how Dajuan got his 31 tonight. He never took over, never tried to do too much, he played within the team and the game, and was simply too much for the Flame defense to handle. SHIT, if the HL was just good enough to make onto Sportscenter, we'd get to hear that ACC-loving asshole Jay Bilas say "Too much Dajuan Guoard!" That'd be hysterical.
Blair was great, too, after picking up 2 quick fouls early, he played well, got his points and his blocks. Solid play for an overworked guy because of our lack of size. Which wasn't helped by Crazy Hands not showing up. We were left with Less-than-crazy Hands. I've seen Little Twin, and Little Twin is NO Big Twin. Which is saying something, I'm sure. I'm just not quite sure what. The consensus was that Blair needs to develop a 10 foot jump shot -- put some arc on that, man! Take 1,000 shots a day this summer, next year, you AND Blake make 1st team Horizon. Seriously though, Levin shouldn't play. Also, someone needs to start rebounding a little bit.
The other consensus was that the Ramblers' victory was at least in part -- maybe in LARGE part -- to the presence of Classless' unborn child. That baby will have to be present at every single LUC/UIC game ever played, forever and ever amen. Or maybe Mrs. Sucko just needs to be a little bit preggers. Either way, Classless -- make this happen.
Also, a serious question for any Flame fans that might be reading this -- or any other HLers. Seriously, I'm not even trying to make fun of you -- though that may come later, I can't promise anything. Does anyone REALLY like the Lighting of the Flame thing before each home game? Seriously, what do you guys think about this? I'm curious. I mean, MAYBE if Muhammad Ali came out and lit the thing, MAYBE then, it might be kind of cool (although, such is my distaste for UIC that I can't promise I wouldn't chant DRAFT DODGER or some such ridiculous thing).
Because the rest of us, we think it's the most inane, retarded thing in the ENTIRE WORLD. Really. I checked. The whole world. I Googled the fucker. They agree. It makes you look like a bunch of assholes. Maybe the only thing that looks dumber is Stompy McStomp that sits a few rows behind the visitng bench and stomps a Defense cheer every other possession, then gives the kind of high-five that only a fairly lame adult without a whole lot of experience hanging out with peers in athletic settings is capable of giving, and then LEAVES THE GAME BEFORE ITS OVER because Loyola has won for the first time since I was eight. Sweet, you're a winner. That bum knee you're giving yourself is gonna go sweet with your fat belly in five years.
I would like to, in closing, apologize for offending anyone. Except for Stompy -- I had to watch you all game, and it got annoying. So you, I'm not sorry.
Previous Columns:
The Drunken Observer - 1/16/05
The Drunken Observer - 1/14/05
The Drunken Observer - 1/07/05
The Drunken Observer - 1/05/05
The Drunken Observer - 12/05/04
The Drunken Observer - 11/07/04
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/29/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/22/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/15/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/08/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/01/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 11/24/03