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The Drunken Observer

sometime in the early morning on 1/07/05

by OC Rambler

"I've seen this one before."

That sentiment was echoed by just about everyone I was sitting with up in the top rows on the north end of Gentile when the Ramblers and UIC were tied with about two minutes to play tonight. We've seen it for the better part of the last decade, or longer in some cases, but we all have seen it -- a team that has a chance, but then loses it at the end. We usually shrug it off, and head for the post-game party. We did that tonight, too, come to think of it, but it seems that I was a bit more disappointed in tonight's team than in the typical Farmer team.

Because tonight there was a difference. In the past, we've been the better team -- bigger, stronger, more talent. That wasn't the case tonight. We aren't better than UIC, unless you equate "better" with "more teenagers." In the past, we were outcoached at the end. The players didn't believe, they didn't know what to do, they screwed up because they never were taught what to do. Tonight, we were coached into position. We had players that played well tonight, sure, (and there were things that we did, execution/coaching-wise, that drove us nuts), but by-and-large, Jim Whitesell outcoached the shit out of Jimmy Collins. Thank God, because, if nothing else, Jim Collins dresses like Regis Philbin on crack.

While I'm thinking about it, apropos of nothing -- SWEET ALLEY-OOP, LOSER! Useless in Chicago, indeed. I don't what Armond Williams was doing confusing himself with Grant Hill and thinking he could oop from anywhere on the floor. Want some mustard with that ball you just ate? Sucks to be rejected by the rim, especially when that 8 oz. piece of iron drops your ass to the floor.

My grand idea for improving this team, and I told this to one of the assistants at the post-game tonight, is to electrify the three-point arc. Maybe then Kou will stop stepping on it when he shoots. For sure there were three field goals in the first half that could have been threes if we were about a quarter of an inch further away. That hurts -- a lot -- in a close game, especially since Kou mysteriously disappeared in the second half, and decided to stop taking shots. Can somebody PLEASE set Telander or Kou a screen?

Also, WE ARE SCREWED if any other team in the conference gets a hold of this film, because even a moron could watch it and discover we don't have a freaking prayer against any kind of pressure. We played like we'd never seen it before, it was pathetic. UIC isn't Duke; their pressure defense just cannot be that difficult to break. And yet we struggled every single trip down the floor. Rare was the possession in the second half that saw us setting up the offense with more than 20 seconds on the shot clock. That blows, and it cost us the game -- they forced us into so many turnovers, it really didn't matter that we STILL can't rebound for crap.

But, even with all that criticism, this is a team that I think has a future. And thinking is better than merely hoping, which is where we used to be under the previous regime. I was impressed that Whitesell addressed the postgame tonight after such a tough loss; before he came out, Big Joe said all he wanted was an apology. That he got it is truly impressive, because really, we aren't owed one. But it WAS a game that we should have won, and it's nice to see a coach admit that. It's like a simple admission that we aren't in fact morons; I, for one, was sort of embarrassed that he was addressing a crowd of about 100 people, max; wish there were more there to see the game, it could of made the difference.

While on the topic of the fans ... Collum -- and I know Maggs posted about him already on the board -- was clutch down the stretch for UIC. I don't remember his brother, that was before my time. But you know who else is clutch? Collum's baby's momma -- seriously, she's hot. Why aren't our cheerleaders that hot? Come on, LU, let's get on this. Also, to the front few rows of UIC fans ... you suck. You sit on your hands the whole game, and then in the final 30 seconds, after Collum hits a few free throws to seal the game, you start talking trash? Learn something about the game, and stick up for your team vocally regardless of what the scoreboard says.

Tonight's Booze-tastic Moment in Rambler History ... Nagel and I, in a stretch of consecutive nights at Hamilton's that today embarrasses me more than anything else, attended a Sunday night affair to watch his beloved Vikings play (yeah, purple!) The snow that winter (early '01) put this past storm to shame, and when we showed up, there wasn't anyone else there but the bartender. He shut down the bar, sans the two of us, and we sat there and watched ball and drank all night, essentially for free. During halftime, I had to go to the bathroom, so I headed back there, but, remembering that no one was there but my roommate and the barkeep, I thought, "Why not?"

And that is how I came to take a dump in the girl's bathroom at Hamilton's.

Previous Columns:

The Drunken Observer - 1/05/05
The Drunken Observer - 12/05/04
The Drunken Observer - 11/07/04
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/29/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/22/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/15/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/08/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 12/01/03
Big Joe's Two Shots and the Ball - 11/24/03